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D-U-M-B

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Re: D-U-M-B
Sun Mar 21, 2010 5:29 pm


OK here's one more.

I can see the Hills rally is going to have a great campfire group!


DON'T FART IN BED
This is a story about a couple that had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
Joe Laird
'78 05
Sioux Falls, SD
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akroyaleagle
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Re: D-U-M-B
Sun Mar 21, 2010 8:47 pm


ROFLMFAO !!!!

Thats Bad !!!!!!!!!
:lol: :lol: :o :shock: :o :lol:
LOL !!! LOL !!

JOHN
John & Stephanie
1972 Silver Eagle 05 8V71 4 Speed Man.(TRAILWAYS)
1984 Eagle 10 45 Foot... 60 Series / B500
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MrBreeze
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Re: D-U-M-B
Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:05 am


OK here's one more.

Now THAT is some kind of story! I often come early in the morning to IHOP and eat breakfast and check the board for posts. I live in a rural area and internet is sporadic or non-existent, so I sneak over here to read my mail and whatknot?

It is now very apparent to me that I need to read my mail AFTER breakfast and not BEFORE as has been my practice.

I am ready for the Black Hills (or anywhere else for that matter) ... Bring it on!

Lost on the boulevard
Out on to the asphalt
Where the big rigs full of LED’s
lead the way
When I am feeling well
I am wanting to go somewhere
To a place not crowded by barking dogs and folks
Into the mountains and clean air
Mile after mile of two-lane tree lined roads

This is it
The one life you get
No matter how hard you try
You’ll never do it all
This is it
The only life you get
Go have a ball

Take a moment
Stop and enjoy the view
As you stumble and muddle your way through
This is it
This is it

The only life you will ever get …

BCO
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Re: D-U-M-B
Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:29 am


Reading the posts here reminded me of one of my own self inflicted and in hindsight painful moments.
My mother had a Dodge Caravan, you know the ones with the wood paneling. Well the vaneer was peeling from the fender flare mouldings. Being the good son I figure while she was at my house one saturday to have dinner I would remove and repaint them for her. They are just held in place with several screws just inside the wheel well.
So off I go to get my phillips screwdriver and start removing the screws. If anyone has removed fender flare mouldings from a vehicle which I am sure many have, you know when you are trying to get the screws that are at the top you basically are putting allot of pressure on the screwdriver in the palm of your hand in an upward direction :shock:
As I tried to loosen this one it was apparent that it had somewhat rusted in place and I had started to strip out the head. So figuring I do not want to have to get the drill and drill the head off I thought that if I just pushed on the screwdriver with all my force I could get it to break loose.
At the moment I applied all my strength and began to try and turn it. Well as I did that the screwdriver came off the screw out from under the fender flare and found its way jammed into the base of my right nostril. It happened so fast that all I remembered was the initial impact of the tip of the screwdriver to my face and then raising back up maybe 15 seconds later from my back. At this point blood was running down my mouth and chin.
As I realized what had just happened my first thought was did the screwdriver go far enough up my nose to puncture my brain :o At that point I was still pretty dazed and begining to freak out just a little :cry:
About this time my mother and young wife (I was about 23 when this happened) came out the door and saw me getting up from the ground and all the blood. So I rushed into the house to clean off the blood to try and figure out how far into my brain the screwdriver had gone. I then realized that it had punctured a hole just below the entry to my nostril and had not gone into my brain :roll:
Since then I try to avoid having a screwdriver pointing my direction while in use ;)

Bryan
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